Yesterday I managed to go to the launderette for the first time in over two months. I’m now wearing clean clothes and my duvet and sheets smell fresh. It may be a small thing but this has lifted my spirits.
Keen to build on this success I’ve just got a haircut and as well as paying my bills at the paypoint shop on the Earls Court Road. Being a poor person means I have metres for the gas and electric, so I pay a higher tariff. Something’s not quite right there, I keep thinking.
But I mustn’t grumble. I have gone a few days now without major problems with paranoia or believing people can hear my thoughts. The dysphoric mania has returned but it’s not too bad. I wasn’t able to update this site Monday or do much of any use but today I’m able to sit at the computer and I haven’t head butted it so far.
With regret I have to say that I have abandoned the idea of updating this site on a scheduled basis. The plan was to do Monday, Wednesday and Friday. It’s just not working. Although it only takes an hour or so to read through the mad news sources (at the top right of the page), this is more than I am able to manage regularly three times a week. I seem to have about two days a week when I’m able to read for about an hour and construct a few sentences - the problem is I don’t know which days these will be. I go for days at a time where I do nothing but stare at the ceiling or for days at a time where my thinking is completely chaotic. To summarize, I’m far too unwell to maintain a publishing schedule - even one that only involves monging around on the web, creating a few links and writing some sarcastic comments. So from here on this site will probably be updated a couple of times a week, I just can’t say on which days.
My mood remains highly volatile. I’m reducing the amount of olanzapine I take with a view to giving it up as the dose of amisulpride increases. This could explain my erratic tearfulness. When I stopped olanzapine before I became very tearful as well as experiencing an odd mood of laughing and crying at the same time. I have been taking olanzapine for six years with only brief breaks. It’s very likely I’m experiencing withdrawal symptoms. I’m alarmed about what will happen when I stop it completely.
To complicate matters further I am having mid-life crisis type thoughts. I have been making lists to try and work out what I can do to make myself feel better about my life situation. I have come up with a plan for how I could turn things around within a year. The top goal is to lose weight, following on from that is to attempt to socialize more and to be better educated. I’m now looking at Open University courses in earnest, but also thinking about how I can educate myself. I like the idea of being an autodidact and it’s made easier by the web. Essentially I’m a self-taught web designer. I’m wondering if I can be self-taught in poetry - one of my chief interests. I know I should probably learn something practical - like PC repair and maintenance - it’s just that I have absolutely no motivation to do that. I have very little motivation to do anything except lie on my back and stare at the ceiling. If I’m going to attempt to do anything it might as well be something that sparks my imagination; something that makes me want to live.
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Also noted
A work culture not a welfare culture, trumpets a press release from the Department for Work and Pensions published today.
Freedom of choice will be central to radical welfare reform plans, the Secretary of State for Work and Pensions, James Purnell said today.
James Purnell outlined his vision for the future of the welfare system, devolving power, and opening the door for local providers to offer their own solutions to unemployment.
Mr Purnell set out a radical approach to developing employment schemes. He said the Government recognised one of the strengths of local providers is the potential to develop new solutions to existing problems.
Under the new “right to bid” process every serious idea will be properly evaluated, by a DWP commissioning team, who will report to the Secretary of State and the Permanent Secretary.
There’s much talk of radical reform, but Work and Pensions Secretary James Purnell doesn’t manage to get the word “slashing” in there - as in, “slashing the amount spent on benefits”. No discussion of benefits is complete without using the word slashing, here at Mental Patient Heights we feel that James has rather let the side down.
Never mind, he gets to talk about radical reform in the Daily Mail and the Financial Times gets all giddy thinking about how much money private companies are going to make from welfare-to-work schemes:
The “open invitation” to new ideas extends across welfare provision, including proposing welfare to work schemes that would pay private and voluntary sector service providers from the government savings made from finding jobs for the unemployed. “I’m not ruling anything out,” said Mr Purnell.
The measure is a further sign that Britain is willing to open up the “multi-billion pound” welfare-to-work market for private and voluntary providers envisaged in the Freud report, an independent examination of welfare reform.
It’s good to hear that James isn’t ruling anything out. I wonder if he’s considered providing a welfare system that meets the needs of disabled people?
Controversial diet drug approved, reports the BBC.
Evidence suggested one in 10 people might develop mental side-effects including low mood and depression, anxiety, irritability, nervousness and sleep disorders.
However, taking it can also lead to weight loss, but also improve general health, lowering blood pressure, and cholesterol levels.
Dr David Haslam, the clinical director of the National Obesity Forum, said that he welcomed its approval for NHS use, and predicted that it would be prescribed to many patients.
He said: “We can be absolutely reassured that they have looked closely at the evidence and made an appropriate decision.
“This is a very good drug, and there are very many people who have tried everything else, including other drugs, with little success, who might benefit from it.”
But Professor Alan Alan Maryon-Davis, president of the UK Faculty for Public Health, said: “Whilst these drugs may be right for some patients, they are not the long-term solution and may have potentially serious side-effects.
“Ultimately the answer has to be: eat a little less and move a little more.”
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Not mental health related
Vector Portraits 1989-1997. Photographs made while travelling 50 to 70 mph in Los Angeles and other parts of the Southwestern United States.